Sharing ∞ Caring

I’ve lived a very queer life thus far. Thank goodness.

Is Bisexuality A Thing?

Of course Bisexuality is a thing!
Bisexuality is the capacity for emotional, romantic, and/or physical attraction to more than one gender/sex . A person who identifies as bisexual affirms this complexity and acknowledges a reality beyond the either/or dualities of heterosexism.
I believe Bisexuality is the largest sexual orientation on the planet. If not for bias against bisexuals, Bisexuality would be the thing.
Homophobia and Biphobia¹ are closely related.
I think a lot of  human beings have a hard time with sexuality and authentic acceptance of their emotional and sexual desires/attractions. Same sex relationships/attractions are still stigmatized on a global scale.
I also believe between homosexuality and heterosexuality, bisexuality is the most misunderstood, non-tolerated, marginalized.
I am speaking from my observations made in the past 22 years since I’ve been “out”.

And I apologize in advance for using the following line, though it is true/sincere:
I’m not bisexual but some of my good friends and few family members are 😀
The family members don’t use the term bisexual. Some say they aren’t into labels but them not being into labels does not mean they are straight, and doesn’t stop them for only presenting themselves as heterosexual.
The majority of my friends who identify as Bisexual are wives and mothers or engaged to men. Their sexual orientation is dismissed or people conveniently forget.
Bi-erasure is a thing.
Bi-phobia is such a problem that in the medical community, the clinics and health providers I go to/know, have a designation on their forms for orientation. MSM is a box one can check. MSM stands for men who have sex with men. The category was added years ago because these men wouldn’t label themselves as bisexual or gay. They’d say straight they were straight but sometimes would have sex with other men. This effected their health care ,the health of their sexual partners and overall Public Health and Safety funding and policies.
From my perspective (or in my opinion) men who engage sexually with other men who still label themselves heterosexual are dealing with internalized biphobia. They don’t want to lose face, status, or social standing in their communities and/or their families. They want to be [perceived as]straight/part of the dominant, socially accepted, sexual orientation.
This internalized biphobia has been detrimental, sometimes devastating for those who are living it and for those who are in relationships with them. Part of the reason I am so out in my life is because I believe when people can be honest with themselves and others about their sexual orientations, we can be healthier and happier as a whole. I want liberation for us all, in this regard. The main reason though, the main reason I speak about issues related to sexuality [and gender] is because of our youth. Our kids are being bullied, murdered, kicked out of their homes, hurting themselves/killing themselves, feeling hopeless, simply because they are not heterosexual. This is shameful and completely unacceptable to me.

notes: I respect everyone’s choice to self identify. Also, I recognize that some people choose “no label” for other reasons and that there are more orientations than Bisexuality, Gay, and Lesbian. ex. Pansexuality, Asexuality etc. Also I think the choice to come out or not come out is an individual choice.

¹Biphobia is aversion toward bisexuality and bisexual people as a social group or as individuals. People of any sexual orientation can experience or perpetuate such feelings of aversion. Biphobia is a source of discrimination against bisexual people, and may be based on negative bisexual stereotypes or irrational fear.
 from What Does Biphobia Look Like?

 

 

Ascendant of Slaves

I’ve been listening to poetry on youtube and discovered a Ted Talk by Dominique Ashaheed, where she discusses words and how we build identity with words. How definition and meaning are different things. She speaks about black history month and when she was younger, during that time of the year, she’d hear that we were descendants of slaves. *Descendant being both a noun and a adjective. The adjective defined as moving down, moving in a downward direction. Descendants of slaves could be interpreted as below slaves, moving below slaves, below the status of slaves.

Dominique Ashaheed, speaks about hearing a description of Prince Harry that spoke of him being the ascendent of a King. The ascendant of a King, not the descendant of a King. There is a difference in ascending and descending. Can you feel that difference? It makes me think about my place in the world differently. Like her, I’ve not had a problem with being descendant from slaves. I am from a people who survived. I am here only because they did not give up on life. I am their legacy, faith, and hope. And when I think of myself through the eyes of my ancestors, I feel beautiful, loved, and wanted. A gift. They who came before me are stronger and braver than I will ever be or have to be.

I am an American. Whenever anyone asks me about my nationality, if I am black or African-American, I tell them that I am an American of African descent because that is more truthful to how I see myself and my place in the world. And now..
I have another way of thinking of myself and my identity to add to all my existing words and identities. To think of ascension, of rising. To think of being an ascendant (rising in power and/or influence) of slaves, makes my blood sing.

Here’s the Ted Talk, Words make worlds: Dominique Ashaheed

And, no Google. I did not mean that.