What I’m Feeling Now

91 consecutive days of meditation. Yes.

33 days of living in Los Angeles. Woot!

a job walking dogs (I fucking love it!)

grateful for friends who have helped me be able to get a job, a bus pass, a couch to sleep on temporarily

a fresh start. Wow.

a(nother) step towards my goal of being a professional Director of visual media. Keep it going.

sleepy, sluggish in body and brain. Blah

curious about a person and surprised by my thoughts and feelings. Huh?

grateful for my cousin who is my friend. We’ve made a conscious decision to keep in touch. Significant. Purposeful. Once a week for now. Family holidays and get-togethers and sporadic messages with months/years in between or no longer an option/viable.

 

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Peaceful Rage

I randomly and thankfully stumbled across The Queer Nation Manifesto  tonight. It was handed out 28 years ago at New York Pride. I was a 12-year-old queer kid living in Compton.
***
I feel so angry right now about so many things. I let myself down today. But that’s only a small part of the anger I’m feeling.  I won’t get into what I did and did not do but I recognize my failings and I forgive myself because I have to in order to move forward. The suppressed anger that I’ve been feeling is bubbling up to the surface. Feeling unsure how to handle it.
Anger isn’t something I’m comfortable with but it’s something I’m familiar with. Reading the words/testimonies reminded me that my anger is valid. I’m owning it now. I’m making it my bitch.
 ***
TransPride is today. I’ll be there. I’ll march on Saturday in the Pride Parade and attend the festival. I’m picking up my free ticket tomorrow courtesy of The Center.
Fortunate. Always. Grateful.
Sometimes I wonder who would I be without the kindness I encounter pretty much daily? I don’t really want to know. This rage is fuel for now and I’m cool with this fire.
Your everloving, peaceful, raging queerdo,
Evan
Transpride fist