Gratitude-October (14)

-For Jessica. Great visit. Perfect mediator. Lovingly effortlessly holding space. Friendship.
-For Moon. Clearing the air more. Understanding.

-For myself for being a good communicator. For passing through my frustration and tears, and in the release, feeling peace. Like complete peace through my body/energy field. Lovely. I had realizations about why I was hit by that car. I’ve been asking and asking why? It was definitely about slowing down. To be mindful. To be careful with my steps. To look around. To appreciate my health. The body. Time. Healing. Today though, today I had the realization that it’s changed my life and day to day for a reason. It was like a reset/update.
Even though I felt like things were improving in my life, (they were), some of my patterns of living weren’t serving me any longer. Because I immediately wanted to get better/heal as fast as possible, I started eating better. Asking my body what it needed. Paying attention to how I felt after I ate. Drinking more water, eating vegetables daily, no more dairy, cut back on sugar. A couple of weeks ago I stopped eating candy, donuts. I stopped eating chocolate. I still have a sweet tooth so I did buy a small sock-it-to-me cake but I ate it over the course of days not in a single night. Today I got these cinnamon sliced loaf cakes. But again, I didn’t eat them all. This week I’ll be prioritizing water intake/hydration. But yeh. I can see clearly how much diet has changed because I wanted to heal and be able to walk around, hike down the trail at the Observatory, and just wander around. So what I’m thinking is that it’s not the time to wander so much. It’s time to sit down, be mindful, and do the work I know to do to better my life/life situation. So yeh, I’m thankful for the insight and the review of recent events.

-For art. Practicing art.
-For a roof over my head.
-For letting go of past attitudes and experiences that don’t serve anything anymore. Just letting things go, you know?
-For Tani for helping me see more clearly. My vision is like new. Fresh eyes.
-For Jess for making “I love you” so easy to express verbally. I’m much happier for it.
-Archive of Our Own and all the writers who contribute.
-Life itself. Now.


For those in need.

Feel free to share anything you’re grateful for in the comments below 🙂



I Am Supported and Loved In All Times

I am supported and loved.

I am supported and loved at all times.

I am supported and loved every step of the way.

Everything is working toward my highest good.

Everything is working toward our highest good.

Everything is working toward the highest good of us all.

(I) Do not worry.
(I) Do not fear.

(I) Work practically towards achieving my goals.
(I) Make practical steps towards achievable goals.

So Be It.

endojè-love unite(s) us



Gratitude-October (6)

-Means to buy food.
-New to me tea.


They are both good. The 🍑 though…👍🏾🤗

-Ice pack. The leg is fatigued, knee feels much better!, inside of left ankle feels like a bruised bone.

Lofi hip hop mix – Beats to Relax/Study to [2018] via Youtube

-Quiet and Solitude + Sam.




Feel free to share anything you’re grateful for in the comments below 🙂


Update for Knocked Me Off My Feet

Update about the accident:

A lot of pain yesterday. Ugh. Today is about half that. My friend is going to hook me up with a knee brace 😊

THURSDAY (8/30) afternoon, the day after the accident, my friend Amanda and I called a couple of the businesses on the street and left voicemails.

FRIDAY (8/31) we went back to the accident location. Took pics and video. Talked to 5 businesses along the way. Only one person saw something. He helped me a bit with the description of the lady.
Another woman gave me her info and contact info for the city council person she’s been talking to about getting a sign or stoplight up for over a year!
She told me to get a lawyer. I don’t know about all of that. I just want to be healed and go about my life to be real.

The crossing guard wasn’t there. We think because of the holiday weekend. Everyone we talked to said she’s usually there every day for an hour or 2 in the morning and afternoon.

After all this we went to file a police report. It took almost 2.5 hrs! from wait to finish. The report is being handed over to the traffic division who will do an investigation.

TODAY/THURSDAY (9/6) my leg is feeling better. My knee is still healing but it feels close to being fine. I’m hoping I’ll be able to get back to dog walking this weekend. Concerned about money. I’ve been in a pissy mood for the majority of the day because I’m restless and money is a thing.

That’s it for now.

Thanks to all for all the well wishes 💙💗

Feeling Anxious: Family Stuff

I’m feeling really anxious right now and vulnerable. Tonight my Aunt came into the TV room to tell me my mom was on her way way over to pick something up and she was closing the door. My mom doesn’t know I’m here at my Aunt and Uncle’s recuperating from top surgery that I had 3 weeks ago. My mom lives about a 5 minute drive from my Aunt’s house. I’ve been here for almost 4 weeks now. My mom and I spoken twice in the last 4 years. We haven’t spoken since last April. She doesn’t accept my transition. She says that she loves me but she won’t go along with what she knows to be wrong. She said she’ll never call me by my name and she just won’t ever accept this, so she’s not in my life.
After my Aunt closed the door, I was like ok. I didn’t have much of a reaction because my mom rarely comes over and when she does, she doesn’t stay long. No big deal.

I’m feeling anxious now though because my cousin, her common-law husband, and their 4 children just moved back to California today and my Aunt just told me about an hour ago that when she saw my mom earlier, my mom told her that my cousin and her family are staying with her. I knew my cousin was moving back here with her family because she messaged me a week ago but I did not know she was staying with my mom. I only met the oldest (whose about 12 now) when he was a baby. The other kids I don’t know. When my cousin gets in touch and asks to meet up, I’ll have to tell her that I’m at my Aunt’s which is not that big a deal, (I usually come and visit on the weekends), but I’ll also have to tell her that I’ve had surgery. I’ll have to say I’ve had surgery because I won’t be able to give them proper hugs and I won’t be able to hold the baby who is about 10 weeks old right now. Since I’ll have to tell my cousin, she’ll tell my mom most likely. I won’t ask her not too. We’re all grown folk and don’t feel the need or desire to control other people’s communication in any way. I guess, I just didn’t want my mom/parents knowing about my surgery, especially now, because I’m healing and feeling really vulnerable and just..I don’t want any negativity at all.

I know this is rambly and might not make sense but I thought I’d write it out because sometimes when I’m feeling anxious or worried about things, writing it out helps loads.