Recent Past and Present Good Stuff

Time for good news sharing:
Inspired by my awesome new therapist. Reminding me to maintain healthy boundaries, to concentrate on my health in every way, which means providing for my basic needs: food and shelter, while I continue to move forward in my chosen career path. This seems maybe simple or obvious to people about the food/shelter part but it hasn’t been easy or simple for me for many reasons that I’ll one day be able to convey. Sorting through stuff now.
I am so damn grateful for the mental health services and social services here in San Diego. That I was able to see a psychiatrist, get a therapist, see my primary, and get a case manager (social worker) to help me find transitional housing (I’m hoping) and employment, is just incredible. All this in less than 2 weeks. Fortunate. Totally.
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I have an incredible ability to focus/concentrate but not on multiple things at once. Tunnel vision is a great thing sometimes, detrimental at others. Perseverance is my special gift. So I know I can do what needs to be done to change my situation. Wouldn’t be able to do it without social support and the mental health and social services in place.
I’ve made choices. I choose what I feel I can do that gives me life. That doesn’t drag me down or feel soul-crushing. School had been the focus for so many years (I love learning) and now legitimately wholeheartedly creating LGBTQ content is the focus because I love us so fucking much and I know it saves people’s lives. Queer content has saved me. Media, ex. movies, tv, music, books, have gotten me through hard times over my life span and added to the overall beauty that is existence. Now at the same time, I am working on caring for myself financially because that is part of self-love too. And as my therapist shared with me, it’s hard to be mentally healthy if you don’t have a safe, stable, place to live. So on I go.
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The past 8 months have been full of incredible learning experiences and so many opportunities. Applying for programs, workshops, attending conventions, etc. Making “Forward” Making beginner’s mistakes with “Forward” and dealing with issues unforeseen. *side note* We’re reshooting in 2 months. If you know of a soccer field we can use for two 9 hour days, get in touch please!
While all these awesome things have been happening, I’ve been cash poor (I grew up in poverty so this is something I’m used to that maybe now I’m thinking I shouldn’t be used to?) but I’ve been lucky enough to mostly every night have a place to crash during this transition from student to being out in the world living the dreams.
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I want to thank my film people from LA and my film people from Sacramento area. Whenever I’ve needed help for film-related stuff, everyone I’ve contacted from Sac State’s film program, professors, alumni, current students, have been there for me, with advice, feedback, and help with Forward’s production. Infinite thanks and appreciation to you all. You know who you be 😉
And I want to thank my friends and family who’ve helped me out financially in the last few months. Especially recently when I’ve needed a bus pass to get around and as bad as this is, personal hygiene items. Yeh, I pretty much hit rock bottom in late May 😦 40 is a trip. It’s a life changing time. I’m up for it. It’s on!
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This past year or so I’ve met so many people. New forever friends (I hope), people trying to make it, people making it, and people who have been making it for years. I will share that I have a mentor in the industry now. I was part of a small crew that interviewed him in April (my last paid gig *sigh*) and am now in a position of confidant and writing that probably won’t ever see the light of day. It’s super cool. Learning a lot about television and I feel really fucking fortunate and thankful for him.
I’m on a first name, hugs, beer giving, basis with the showrunner of Wynonna Earp (which you should totally watch because it’s fucking fantastic), and I get to see her in a few weeks (I hope) if I can get my shit together. She’s inspiring and supportive in so many ways. Her motto: Do No Harm But Take No Shit. One day I’ll be able to totally share about all that she’s done for and meant to our production team.
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Earlier this month I met and attended a workshop at Youtube Space LA. Many people who are doing all kinds of LGBTQ media were in attendance. There were people just starting out, those of us who are in the middle of projects, and those who have completed things that I’ve seen on the air.

 

We were able to meet the man responsible for Netflix’s One Day At A Time. He took the (remake)show from idea to reality. He was incredibly generous with his time and sharing his career experiences. I’ll be at a live taping of a S3 episode later this summer.
At the same two day event, I was fortunate enough to have meals with and joke around with a showrunner/writer/producer of a show no longer on the air but which meant a lot to me when I was in my early 20s. Super cool to be able to talk with her and tell her in person what it meant to me, what a difference it made in my life. She’s funny, charming, generous, and has offered to read “1 thing” and give notes. So when it’s ready I’ll be sending my “1 thing” off to her. I’ll see her next April at a convention for LGBTQ women and allies. Psyched about it. Something to look forward to.
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I want to be clear and say, even with meeting all these people, I still gotta do my work. Sometimes things fall into place but there’s always the work behind it. Oprah said years ago that success is opportunity plus preparedness. It may look someday to some people like I’m an overnight success story. That I popped up out of nowhere. That I’m a diversity hire possibly or what not. But some of you all will know what’s up. Some of you all have known me since age 16 when I first started writing and directing one-act plays. And one of you has known me since we were 13 when I first shared this dream out loud. (Love you, J!)
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I’m currently wanting to get back to LA as soon as possible. It’s only been like 3 weeks but I’m missing it. I’ve decided to make it home for a while. I feel it’s where I need to be. Send good thoughts my way about this move if you will. Money is a thing.
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Any old way, I’m just wanting to share some good-ish stuff with you all.
What’s a cool thing or a good thing that’s happened or is happening with you?
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Lawless and Uncivilized

It’s over. It’s been over. During the last week of January 2017 it became clear that we are a lawless nation. Law is a wispy ghost. So..maybe not over completely but hanging by a thin, near invisible thread, alive in the imagination of our collective.

We are not all equal under the law. This we know. Our Commander in Chief(45) has broken laws. The list is long. Will he and his administration be held accountable? We know many of us will pay with our lives.
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I’ve said this before: Some of us live in a police state. This has been true for years. And this way of life has affected my mind. Which is understandable. But to pretend that things happening in our country (the U.S.) are not as dire as they are is a state of mind that I can barely fathom.
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I am not numb, nor do I feel indifferent. I truly feel a will and need to keep living, to keep moving forward. Survivors survive.

I have chosen to keep creating (art). To keep learning. To put as much joy and goodness in the world as possible. To walk the earth spreading love and light. Period. Recently, it’s been challenging. But we all have our parts. I am grateful for mine.
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At the same time, I do feel resigned. I feel sad and mad for the people who think they are safe and that this won’t touch them directly. At times I feel anguish for their (unconscious) anguish. I know they are afraid because I feel it. I know it because they reek of it. I know it because I see it. I am familiar with fear. I grew up with fear. We were introduced in my mother’s womb. I know fear by heart.
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I feel for us who have been and will be betrayed. In times like these, this is what people do, for their “safety”, for food, for medicine, for shelter. Human beings being human. People, people you know, maybe you, will literally lose their minds and some of us will remind one another that losing your mind is not the worst thing that can happen. We will be reminded that we can live through this and rebuild. Yes we can. It may take time. Creation does.
I feel hopeful we will create a civilization worthy of the word.
Humane and just.