Two life altering moments of 2016: Post Pulse and Pulse U.S. Election
From an email to a friend (June 27 2016):
Today/yesterday (Sunday) was the first day that I wrote anything in a long time. Just journaling but it was a forward step, towards life, my heart, purpose. I’ve been struggling mentally, emotionally, and spiritually for a while but the Orlando Massacre and the media response and social response, has really..I don’t know how to word it properly. I feel like a part of me died that night. I am a different person. Words like anger and grief don’t even begin to cover it. This weekend I started meditating again and I’m going to make it a daily practice again. A friend of mine suggested I journal and that has already been beneficial. My ex-wife, used to say, “don’t let the world steal your joy” and I’ve been hearing that echoing in me. I know the world needs our love, joy, passion etc. but for the first time in my adult life I’m struggling with my love and hope for humanity. And I’ve been dealing with my guilt for feeling that way.
From a social media post (November 11, 2016:
The election results did not cause the same or even a similar response as most of my friends/my loves. I am not judging myself about it. I don’t feel guilt about how I am reacting or in some people’s view, my lack of reaction. This year as a whole (so far) has been just, wow, ugh, yikes!, grrr!, oomph, no! in so many ways. Obviously there’s been good too. Mainly though, it’s been challenging.
People have been asking me if I’m okay and I was finally able to speak my truth to some friends tonight and say that I am relieved. I am relieved this election is over. I am relieved that the numbers are out and people can see what’s what. We don’t have to tell/explain to people that we live in a racist, sexist, society. It’s a conversation I dropped out of a long time but now that this has happened there can be no denial. Well, there can be denial because people…but I think overall, less denial about what our country is like.
Those who are able/willing can begin to do what needs to be done to create a society that is beneficial to us all. We won’t be silent and allow people to be assaulted, harassed, abused.
Some have been working towards this for the longest (forever). Now we have even more passionate people who will fight this good fight.
Let us continue to love, listen, and lift each other up when we fall and flounder.
Thanks for reading.
This year is almost over. I don’t know what the future holds. I’m not naive enough to think that things will be okay in the New Year. I don’t have the hope and optimism I so naturally/effortlessly used to have, but in the last couple weeks vacationing, visiting friends, and family, being in familiar surroundings (San Diego and Moreno Valley), I’ve gotten rest, been around like-hearted people, and feel strengthened and ready to face the challenges ahead. I will be working on love and compassion for myself and all of us really, while speaking my truth and living my life, without apology.
2017, I welcome you.