I want to do a little bit of everything but I feel like I’m not doing much.
I’m on winter break from school. Term starts back up on the 25th. I know probably a month in I’ll be like..when’s Spring break?/I can’t wait for summer!, but right now I’m realizing that a week or two off is enough. Since I don’t have anywhere I need to be, my sleep schedule is completely off the rails. I’ve been staying up watching TV, netflix, amazon, messing around on the internet, thinking. Always thinking. Thinking is my favorite thing to do but thinking doesn’t lead to doing. Thinking has not led to creating. And creating things, making stuff up, is what I most want to do.
This year I want to think less. Really I mean worry and wonder less. I want to create more. I want to write stories/scripts, maybe act in something, keep learning how to draw, make music..
I used to play the alto saxophone when I was in 7th grade. I want to play again. I think when I get my financial aid for this term I’ll look into finding an alto sax on craigslist or a pawnshop somewhere. Before I had the opportunity to join the marching band in 7th grade, I dreamed about playing the sax. I’d been dreaming about it since 5th grade. I didn’t even know the name of it. I drew the shape in the air with my finger and told me mom that I wanted to play and now a zillion years later, I have the sudden urge to pick it up and try to learn again. Life is funny.
Because I am single, not currently attending classes, not working at a job, I feel like I should be doing more with my time. Watching TV, cartoons, movies, is fine but I want to give back. Contribute to the arts that I spend the majority of my life consuming.
I thought I’d write this out and post it as an attempt to put something out instead of just taking things in. Also, to hold myself accountable for the things that I say I want to create and do in my life.