I cried when I saw the news that Blake had died. The first article I read on Tuesday didn’t offer much information. It just said that the community was mourning. I had to search around a bit to find out how he died. He took his own life.
Today I came across a Huffington piece about Blake and his life. His death has hit me hard. I am mourning all that he was and would’ve been and also for all the other teens who have taken their lives, especially in the last couple months. It’s just so sad. Our kids are killing themselves and I have no idea what to do about it.
I was suicidal in my teens. I was in an incredible amount of emotional pain. And I have had similar feelings at certain periods in my adult life. Though as an adult, it has been more about weariness. Tired in my bones and in my soul.
One of my doctor’s called it depression.
I called it, apathy. Whatever the term, I didn’t want to be here on earth anymore. The thing that pulled me out of it that winter of 2011 was literally my love for lgbt people. Someone I knew was going through a breakup with his husband of 12 years. We were in the hospital together and we were in a group session and had to come up with one thing to look forward to in our life. There was a People magazine around and the guy going through the breakup, picked an article about country star Chely Wright getting married and said that it made him feel hopeful about his future, that he would find a man who he loved and loved him and one day be married. I started tearing up and just felt this overwhelming sense of love and gratitude for the beauty of us as lgbt folk. Like I know so many brave and loving souls and I want to see us in the movies, on stage, in music, in day to day to life, just everywhere loving and living our lives without fear of violence and discrimination. That love for us was enough to clear my head for me to meet with my doctor and try to live some more.
When I got out of the hospital, the “It Gets Better” campaign was flourishing and that helped to. I don’t know if you remember or know but in Fall of 2011 is when we lost like 5 or more? gay teens (middle school-first year in college) to suicide in the first two weeks of the Fall semester. It was devastating and still is. Every time I hear about a kid committing suicide it hurts.
This is all I want to say for now. Here’s a link from a blog post I wrote when I got out of the hospital 39 months ago. I am sharing it at this time because I feel that I need to. Maybe it’ll help someone.
And here are a few pictures of Blake. Rest in Peace young warrior.